Move 2024

If you clicked on this expecting a happy story, this is not one. While I am happy with who\where I am today, these were some of the hardest months of my life. But this is the story of why a senior\lead software engineer left Atlanta to move to California.

It's difficult to leave...especially when you have grown to call a place home, but sometimes it's the best thing you can do. There were a lot of things that had happened in my life. I have moved multiple times in my life for a variety of reasons. But it's mostly been to follow my passions and to live the best life I can. My move from Atlanta was not clean or planned.

Seeing the bills pending votes in the state of Georgia and increased hostility towards people like me...didn't really give me many choices. My options were stay and fight through it...know the situation would probably get worse. Or...take a chance and move in with my partner. Leave everything that was comfortable and known behind for a chance at something better. I've built companies...teams...projects of insane complexity...and for once in many years I was sitting looking at my situation forced to accept a very uncomfortable reality. The acceptance that you can't win this fight...so it's time to go. Or...go back in the closet.

I lived in a closet for years and it nearly destroyed me...I did not want to do that twice.

When I started my transition I made an intentional effort to make as much money as possible to cover surgeries, legal costs, misc medical, or moving if I had to. So I had the money...and the plan in my back pocket. For the curious...my transition was around 35-50k so this was a logical decision. The original plan was to wait until towards the end of the year to move. Effectively leave shortly before the election. This would let me maximize my runway and allow me to move forward with starting my new life.

However life has a way of taking a sledgehammer to plans. As the grew election grew closer so did anti-trans sentiment. My employer at the time had started the process of selling of sections of the company and laying off others. In early July in the county I lived I would learn that a friend of mine was no longer around, her murder to this day is unsolved. During the time I lived in Atlanta I had been followed and had people even try to find my apartment door, police were aware and I even had a cell number to call that would skip straight to someone being at my door. The math...was not in my favor though...one bedroom apartment...even a 10-15 minute response time would not be fast enough.

I grew up in a rough area...I do know how to defend myself, but HRT and my transition had really weakened me physically. I had at the time 30% less muscle mass than I did in the years prior. Saying fight like I used to be able to was not going to work especially if there were multiple people.

So effectively...my time at the company was likely to come to an end. My safety was no longer a thing. And the legal mechanisms to protect me were buckling. And...I had been with Vee for a year where we had been flying back and forth...one of us needed to move.

So I ran...put my 2 week notice in, broke my lease (paying out the entire penalty), hired junk removal to clear things quickly, went with uhaul containers (which severely limited what I could bring) that I ended up loading with my partner, sold my car which was a blue honda fit (somehow coming out ahead on the whole deal)...and I was gone by the end of the month. Vee...despite knowing the situation still opted to fly in.

Of course things went horribly wrong. The Uhaul containers showed up a day late...forcing my partner and I pack the place quickly. Most of the elevators broke. It started raining. Our housing plans fell through a few days before her flight and all I could say was...ok find us a place you got 2-3 days.

When Vee arrived her and I sat down and I showed her the numbers...the warchest...the backup plan which I had prayed I would never need to execute. The entire situation was surreal to me as I had originally met her in a digital world in VR and here we were planning out a future.

But...despite us packing at 2-3am the morning the containers would be picked up (turns out we only used one) we still got the place packed. We left out an unopened bottle of wine and 2 glasses which we opened when the new lease signed. We spent one night at a friends...and picked up the keys with a loaded car the next day.

We would have lunch at a few places around Atlanta...Mellow Mushroom which was my favorite pizza place and a gaming bar called "Battle and Brew" where we would just play a little halo while chatting about things.

Went to Ikea...replaced the furniture with what we could find. Scrambled together some cheap kitchen bits and whatever Vee had at her old place. Got some cute things...we still have these two massive desks off in our den that we use.

Believe me going from luxury apartment with a crystal coffee cup to an air matress and leaving the city you have called home is an insanely sharp contrast.

A few weeks later the containers arrived cross country and I would recieve a call after opening the last box from a recruiter. I would be told my grandpa was probably going to pass away by my dad. I went from a closed door developer conference I had been invited to (that I won't talk about here) to a plane from SF to say goodbye to my grandpa. I would get the job...and my grandpa would pass away around the same time. To give you an idea how close together this was...I still had my Georgia driver license.

Later that year finances would stabilize, Vee would clear out some old debts, and I would settle into the new role. Sure...that next year the company would have a decline in sales and ended up axing me and several of my peers, but at the time it was stability. I would get the chance to process it...understand what happened.

So yeah...that's how I ended up in California. I've grown to call this place home and I hope to stay here a long time.