My Transition...my story...my coming out

I learned to program at 13 years old. Spent hours coding in C and C++. And spent large amounts of time in a digital world because the physical world did not work for me. By age 18 and as a senior in high school I was working my first developer position because I had learned so much over those years.

2015...my boyfriend at the time gave me my first dress. I think that's probably a good place to start. And I would dress in clothing of both genders. I was fairly androgenous and could pull it off.

Start of 2021...something wasn't quite right. In college only 3 years prior I had lived a very different life; my female friends considered me one of the girls. Granted Covid had brought to light the year prior slowly that I wasn't really happy living as one of the guys. I was even engaged to a trans man who gave me my first dress (beautiful black and white); he had been diagnosed with leukemia and was not improving...this had to be maybe 2 months after he gave the dress. He knew...but hadn't been able to talk to me about it in full yet. The question wasn't what I wanted it's whether the discomfort would outweigh what I knew and if anyone would tell me what was possible.

In April 2022 I looked over the ledge of my the balcony of my luxury apartment. A beautiful view...truly. I had left the door open and my dork of a cat ran through it to check on me. The truth is I was miserable and I knew that. Living a lie is not living. I pet the dork and went back inside.

I had done well for myself. Filled my first patent and reached the level of senior engineer. I'd gotten to travel the country for work. Money was rapidly becoming no longer an issue. But the question was still...why I am not happy? I had largely become an introvert after covid so had largely retreated to online spaces and buried myself in my work.

Around this same time I had purchased a Valve Index VR headset with a payment from my employer at the time for the patent I had done.

A day or two later that April I saw some stories about VR. A few stories from Azeal (who would later come out as Azalae\a trans woman but this wouldn't be for years). A random story from Strasz (who would later end up working for VRChat...and coming out as nonbinary) relating to gender identity and VR and another on the music scene. I had spent a lot of time in concerts on music events prior to covid.

So I sat down and thought...yeah might be nice to listen to some music. I just sat down and went off to listen to some music.

The thing to keep in mind is I had never knowingly met a trans woman. I grew up in rural Indiana and then moved to Atlanta, GA. You just were not going to see someone out and about.

In VR on the other hand...I bumped into them very quickly. Early 2023 I was sitting chatting in a world with some old friends from a science group. It was a lovely chat and then one of the girls makes a comment; I don't even remember what she said she dropped her voice to this incredibly low pitch which I never heard a woman do. She talked briefly about her transition and sent me a picture of her face. Gears start turning...wait I can sound like that. Wait I can look like that? Turns out yeah the answer to that was HRT and voice training.

And yeah fast forward I bump into an employee of VRChat who had their pronouns listed as nonbinary. So I just thought...fine...I'll put mine. I put any. Which was not wrong I had lived as both genders over the years. However...a good friend of mine read that and started talking. Fast forward and a had just ok...I'm going to go by she\her. And no one was surprised...response when I left a world "did they sound different?", yeah they're trans "they weren't already?!?!".

I called my sister...she rambled about knowing for 30 minutes. I spoke to 2 different exes; one said I already treated you like a girl and the other said you'll make a cute girl. I called my ex-fiance, see how he was doing and I just...you remember the time you gave that dress? Yeah he knew.

My apointment with my first endo was the Monday after a pride event I attended with my partner.

When I finally came out at work in 2023. I was reffered to as the first trans person several of my peers had met. I also an engineering lead with a team under me. Eventually I needed to send an email under my new name...I was terrified...but I typed it up and listed the new features on the engineering platform. At the bottom of my email had a single note: "You are probably wondering why deadname isn't sending this. Well I'm transgender and I wanted a more feminine name." It was the most read email I ever sent at that job.

In 2024 I would move to California and in 2025 would legally change my name to Lucia. My SRS was in 2026 in San Francisco which candidly speaking was rough, but I regret nothing. At this point my transition is very much a background thing at this point. I'm happy, I'm at peace, and I feel complete.

To the stranger reading this. Thank you.